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“You asked for it”

You have heard the term “My eyes were bigger than my stomach” right? It’s funny how that applies to so much more than food. You want something so bad, you do whatever it takes to get it. Only when you end up getting it, and it’s not as awesome as you thought it would be.

When I was kid, I think I was 5 years old, not really sure. I was small. I had this bunk bed, directly across from my bed was a dresser, it sat about chest high for the average adult. On top of it my own TV. Remember the TVs that required you to get up and twist knobs ever so slightly in order to get the next station? One of those.

So here I am, watching ‘Rescue 911’ as it were, and anyone who remembers that show knows it was a show of reenactments. Stories of survivors who almost lost life or limb for various reasons, but were saved, by, 911.

So here I am watching this show, when I have an idea.

Ideas. . . they’ll get you some times.

I want to change the channel. But I’m not convinced that this requires me to get a chair like it usually does. No. Today I’m feeling ballsy.

So instead of calling someone to change it, I decide that “Hey, I’m GREAT at climbing trees, I’ve only fell out of one this month”. I make a choice.

Watch me go.

As I make my way up this Mount Everest of a dresser I am closer to my goal. “HA, don’t need dad anymore”. I begin to reach for the dial and as you can guess, dressers are not designed to have a 5-year-old hanging off of them.

But I’m almost there, I can feel the plastic from the knob on my fingertips, I just need to make a small adjustment to my footing and I’m all good. . . . bad call

Have you ever seen a building go through demolition. If not you’ve seen a man cut a tree.

Yeah, it was something like that.

The entire dresser and TV made sure I didn’t make the ride alone.

After what seemed like at least 5 mins of falling, the back of my big skull meets the edge of my strategically placed bunk bed. Don’t worry, I caught the TV. . . with my face.

That didn’t go as planned.

I remember feeling shocked, but I got up just fine. I had bigger concerns, the noise I just made had to have attracted at least one parental. Which one though?

My father walks in the room, “What the hell is going on in here?”

I pull out my best line, “I don’t know, it just fell”.

Smooth.

My father wants to know what happened and then eventually as my story gets way too stupid he sees that I have a knot the size of an avocado seed raising out the back of my already large skull.

He was pissed.

Anyway, I was fine, I went to the Emergency Room to meet some guys from Rescue 911, in person.

They’re just as cool as they are on TV.

In hindsight I should’ve just used a chair or something to change the channel. But sometimes it’s easy to look at something and completely undermine the dangers involved with what you are about to do. We don’t always think full circle. We want to, but let’s be honest, not everything we do in life gets the same amount of thought as others. And that is ok. But some things, like love, it requires you to step back and look at what you are putting on the line. Ensure that you are willing to sacrifice that and make the informed decision to place your bet there. Just be prepared for what you are asking for.

Remember guys, it’s not about always doing it right. Sometimes it’s best to just live. Other times it’s important to step back, analyze the situation and make a choice, even if that choice is one you don’t really like. You have to look out for yourself.

NOBODY else will. Nor should they have to. This is our life. Gods greatest gift is the power to choose. I’m just saying it’s ok to choose a little more methodically.

The last thing you want to be left feeling, is like you were screwed over when in reality, it was your own doing. That fucking sucks right?

So I encourage you to slow things down when possible and take a second to do what is best for you. Fuck those who can’t take that. Drop the dead weight, there isn’t another person that can tell you how you feel. So take that freedom of choice and use it wisely peeps. And make sure your kiddos have a chair in the room if one is required to change channels. Stay motivated guys.

“If you’re like most people, then like most people, you think you aren’t like most people.” – Daniel Gilbert.

“The Magic Cupboard”

Remember when you were young? Not like teenage young. Go back further. See that little brat version of you running around not giving a fuck? There you are, the little version of you running around right there , THAT little person gives absolutely ZERO fucks, like, FOR REAL. Right?

I see myself. God, I was a fucking brat. And you guessed it, I gave no fucks.

I ate more than my fair share of food, I asked for shit I didn’t need, I ate more, and then when I had raided the kitchen I’d pop smoke and be gone like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle! NINJA VANISH! POOF!!

Man, the dog was lucky I didn’t get into his damn food.

I’d pile all this toothpaste on my toothbrush and put it under the running faucet, and I’d run out the restroom, lights on, water probably not turned all the way off. I’m telling you I was a fucking brat.

I was ungrateful. Not spoiled, just completely ungrateful.

Enter my mother. The keeper of the magic cupboard.

If you grew up with anyone taking care of you, you had this miracle maker at home too.

Follow me around the house the day that we now know as “the day before payday”. Toilet paper is on it’s last leg, tooth paste is about as flat as a piece of paper from squeezing every bit out of it. Oreos! WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE OREOS!? Nevermind that, at least there is. .  KOOLAID! OH HELL NO, “MOOOM! WHAT HAPPEN TO THEKOOLAID!!! There ain’t nothing in this damn house”.

I ate that night just as good as I ate every night. I had breakfast the next morning just like always, and I went to school.

I come home from school later that same day. It was a rough one. I could go for an Oreo. If only. . . Wait what? Oreos. Holy shit when did these get here? Oh shit, Cheezits too? No way. I wonder if there is toothpaste and toilet paper. Oh shit, where’s this all come from?

Yeah, I guess you know, but I know for me, I never really understood until I got my first place at 19 years old and I had some cupboards that weren’t so fucking magical. A bed with no sheets, a bath room with no shower curtain, no tooth paste, not toilet paper, no nothing. But it’s all good because I have a steady paying job and I’m about to walk my ass to store and fix this shit quick, fast and in a hurry.

So here I am, in the store. It’s got everything I need. Only one problem. I didn’t think this all the way through. I have a full cart but I can’t carry all this back the mile I just walked. No problem. I’m just going to cut it down to the bare essentials.

The fuck you mean bare essentials? IT’S ALL ESSENTIAL! Fuck it, all the money I spent on these damn shoes, I better “just do it”.

As the beep sound from the cash register beeps and beeps and beeps I stand there subtracting the nights I can go out. Beep! There’s Thursday, Beep, Friday, BEEP BEEP! Fuck, I’m staying in this weekend. Oh and I totally forgot this isn’t South Dallas. I cant roll my cart all the way home, Time to grow these biceps baby!

I take a seat outside the store, mentally preparing to hull all my stuff home. It’s in that moment, accounting for the days I can’t go out, that I realize, I’ve been subtracting these days from my parents for 19 years.

How many times did I use up everything in the house and like magic, it would just reappear. My mother. She never nagged, she never scolded me, she never complained about getting me what I needed. Which made me think to myself, how much did she give up to give me what I wanted?

Who filled your cupboard? Was it your mother? Father? A grandparent perhaps or even an Aunt or Uncle? I guess it doesn’t really matter who kept the keys to the magic cupboard, the point is, it was magic.

I take from this that you learn some things too late. But no matter how late it’s better than not knowing at all. My mother. I love you endlessly. I’m so proud of who you are and I’m so grateful for the things you have done for me . I can never give you back what you gave up. But I’m a man and I know what it means to provide and what it takes to provide for. You taught me that. And for that I thank you.

“And she loved a little boy very, very much – even more than she loved herself.” – Shel Silverstein

 

 

“Where’d that come from?”

I really like being single. At the drop of a dime you are able to do whatever you want, with whoever you want. And when you get into something you don’t like?  It is all too easy to walk to the car and push the “start” button and do WHAT EVER you want from there. I like freedom. I’m spontaneous as fuck. The life right?

I met this woman. Eventually, we hang out and we talk. She thinks I’m an asshole.

 Well If I’m such an asshole why is she still here?  “well you’re an asshole but you’re totally tolerable.” What? No I’m not. You can’t tolerate me woman! I am man! and she kinda just looks at me and calls me an idiot. We talk over beer.

 This is the shit you see in bad romance movies. Girl meets boy, boy hates girl, girl hates boy, then one day, they don’t hate each other anymore. They – respect each other? How the fuck does that happen? That shit doesn’t happen in real life, people don’t do that. Or Do they?

 So you take it from there. You both know there is a respect, but aside from that it’s not going anywhere, and you’re both cool about that. We talk, we text, we don’t talk and we don’t text. It doesn’t matter. We end up talking again and again. We appreciate the company we respective provide for each other. She is here because ‘this’ is missing where she wants it to be. I don’t care because ‘this’ has been missing my whole life.

 As time goes on, and you spend time together, your conversation goes from the comfort of the patio, to more personal space, like your room. And conversations go from the intellectual to the “I’m interested in finding out more about you”.

 I am not falling for this. As a man I know women are looking for the next best opportunity, and they’ll keep you around until they get the big fish they have been trying to nail down, right? That’s how they are, you’ve been told that’s how they are, you’ve seen a couple times that is how they are.

 Ok, So why they fuck does she want to know more about me? Why is she picking my brain and acting so interested in who I am, and when the fuck did she go from cute to absolutely gorgeous?

 Wait what? What the hell is the voodoo that she do?

 I think it goes back to respect. You meet someone who you don’t like. Take a step back and think about some of the situations you have hated or just didn’t agree with someone. More often than not it’s just a simple misunderstanding, a lack of respect. And if you have ever picked the brain of someone you do not agree with, so long as they have the capacity to listen and debate rationally with you, you begin to see that you see a lot of things the same way. Boom! That’s it. That’s how things change.  

 Any man worth their salt knows that is where respect starts, an understanding. Respect is very important to me. But I digress.

 This woman, you think she has developed a respect for you, meanwhile, you know you respect her. You both look at each other and say, we are not doing ‘that’. We’re cool like this, we’ll keep it here, all that ‘lovey dovey’ shit. Fuck all that. You both agree.

 I guess I didn’t help the situation though, I took her to the first bar we ever went to, and I completely failed by letting her slam her two drink max. Now we’re both walking around with no fucks.  However, she is tapped out on drinking for the night, and me, Well, let’s be honest, I want to get her home. Aside from the obvious reason, it is more because if she is done for the night I’m not going to have any fun without her, she makes me smile.

 ” So what now? Do you want to spend the night out here?” She’s down for that.

 I hated dating before this. To be honest, if you think about it, it went something like this. You met a chick and whilst spending money on drinks, her friend comes out of left field with the cock block quote of the century; “we came together, we’re leaving together”. Then they leave; without you.

 You collect your tab. “MOTHERFUCKER!!!!”.

 That’s not how it always is but you’ve been there.

 All I can say is I didn’t have to worry about that with her.  Hell, this one will steal your wallet to make sure you aren’t buying her shit. She knows your view on things and for some unknown reason, she wants to change the way you perceive, not her, but all women. She doesn’t know that happened some time ago.

So there we are sitting  back, in our room. I talk and she listens, she talks and I listen. This is what we do. She smiles at me, I kiss her, she kisses me. These are our moments.  

The morning is full of light conversation, and in between drives, a comfortable silence. She hates my music by the way. But she’s going let it go for now. We get back to the house and she means to leave, but I guess my bed is really comfortable.

 She’s out like a light. It’s adorable.

 I find myself wondering how I got here, where the fuck did she come from? I mean, I’ve dated, I’ve been in some relationships. But this here, it is unlike anything I have ever been hit by. The things I have only heard about. It makes me nervous, because this has never happened to me before. Maybe it’s respect that has been missing all these years, I don’t really know, all I know is for the first time in my life I’ve been hit. And I always avoid the hits. I just did not see this one coming.

 This could be the worst thing that has ever happened to me, it could also be the best. I don’t know. But I know I want to see this out. FUCK YES.

 

“Forget all the reasons why it won’t work and believe the one reason it will”